Five

                                                       NEVERMORE EVERLESS

I could hear the muffled chatter of my friends, their laughter echoing through the room. I couldn't quite distinguish who they were until I moved closer. The voices got louder and louder until I finally recognised them. It was AV, CS, SG, MB, AN and RS. Confused, I peered through the crowd to find out what was happening. They were all dressed in white and standing in what looked like a funeral procession, to me at least. A surreal scene unfolded before my eyes as I saw a framed picture of the deceased with a garland hanging around it. It was me. It was my photo. Up there with a flower garland hanging from the frame, it was my photo. I was flabbergasted. I felt that my eyeballs would fall off my sockets but then I wondered if there was anything in my skull besides the sockets. I had to run and find a mirror, I had to see myself. Could no one else see me moving around or hear me panicking? Was this for real or some sick joke that everyone was playing on me? I could genuinely not tell. I was running around looking for a bathroom hoping that this was all a fever dream and I'd wake up normal very soon. No matter how cruel, I hoped that the mirror proved everything wrong and that I was still alive. I ran into the bathroom, barged open the door and stood before the mirror. 

Nothing. 

I saw nothing. I moved my hand and waved at the mirror hoping to see something move but no. It was true, I was dead. I was invisible. I knew I was standing in front of the mirror but it reflected nothing. A wave of despair hit me as I realised the gravity of the situation and I sank to the floor, hugged my knees and started bawling. I was really gone and there was no way to bring me back. I sat there taking it all in and trying to make peace with what had happened as there was no way to fight it. I would if I could but sadly I can't. 

I left the venue paying little attention to the smiling faces. I knew that my death would bring them happiness. I wasn't even surprised. Shit, is that a weird thing to say in your blog? I left the venue but I knew no other place to go. I was hoping to run into him I knew that he would be able to solve the issue, yeah obviously he would. 

I heard the sound of a car door slapping. I saw him walking behind his sister. I ran to him and started crying, I held his hands and told him to fix everything but he didn't move, he didn't say anything, he didn't even look at me. I knew we had just met a few days before, but I had found solace in him and knew he would understand. But, him just standing there like that, his indifference, it was a stark contrast to the empathy I was expecting. 

I saw my parents and my brother sitting next to my closed coffin, ululating. It was the worst. I took a closer look at everyone else, everyone had been crying for hours. It was a horrible sight to witness. I wanted to go there and comfort them, assure them that I was okay even though I really wasn't. I just wanted them to be okay. 

 I hated being there. I wanted to leave. I ran out of the venue yet again and this time for real, forever. I knew I could fly; so I took a leap and soared into the sky and flew upwards like a helium balloon in its prime. Fear crept into my mind as I took my first leap and I felt scared like a young seagull afraid to overcome its fears and take its first flight. I, too, felt like my wings wouldn't support me. But nothing mattered anymore, it was all for nought. I just looked up and continued flying into the endless sky testing my limits. 

I looked at the gleaming light from the sun, and oh heavens, I fell in love. I feared no more, for I now knew where I wanted to be. I kept flying towards its endless beauty. Perhaps I could be one with it. That would be all. That would be the best. That is what I now wanted - to be one with the radiant sun and reflect all over the world; to watch over my loved ones that way and, forever protect them. 

xoxo